


BURN PYGMALION!!! (A BETTER GUIDE TO ROMANCE)

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Albumfic, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Based on an Album, Ambiguous Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Assumptions, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Borderline Personality Disorder, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Fucked up People In Love, Gender Neutral Pronouns, Healing, Heartache, Heavy Angst, Help, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kinda, Lack of Communication, Lowercase, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Misunderstandings, Mutual Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, No Smut, No real names, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overthinking, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Past Abuse, Pining, Platonic Relationships, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Secret Crush, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Songfic, Suspicions, Swearing, Tags Contain Spoilers, Third Person Limited, Trauma, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Worry, a Whole Ass mess, author projecting onto sapnap, based on a the scary jokes song, bruh, clay needs to stop writing at 3 am: the fanfic (tm), episodic, idk why i didnt tag this earlier but it's kind of obvious i think idk, lyrics, lyrics slightly changed (bc names), neither main characters are abusers dw but past abuse and fear of abuse is brought up multiple times, nonbinary sapnap, partially, past emotional/psychological abuse, reposted from my old account, sapnap confides in bbh because he is their Dad (tm) and a good muffin, sapnap has bpd, sapnap is referred to with they/them pronouns, sapnap-centric, seriously ... why do i always end up writing at insane hours, the breakup lasts like 5 minutes lol, this sucks, too many tags, vent - Freeform, who knows - Freeform, yankee with no brim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25880215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "FULL DISCLOSUREI AM A MONSTERA CREATURE OF DESPAIRNOT THAT THAT SHOULD BE A CAUSE FOR CONCERN"a collection of episodic dreamnap angst songfics based on the album "burn pygmalion!!! a better guide to romance" by the scary jokes
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. table of contents

**BURN PYGMALION!!!**

_(a better guide to romance)_

* * *

1\. community gardens

2\. death, thrice drawn

3\. do you believe me

4\. ain't you ever happy?

5\. pygmalion

6\. starstruck

7\. your vicious kin

8\. admire the architecture

9\. dream's just a dying fad

10\. sapnap... you're a tragedy

11\. emotional vagrant

12\. sleepyhead

13\. wrath of the termite king

14\. no leverage / no pleasure

15\. crushed out on soda beach

16\. bets against the void


	2. community gardens

> **_full disclosure_ **
> 
> **_i am a monster_ **
> 
> **_a creature of despair_ **
> 
> **_not that that should be a cause for concern_ **

sapnap did not consider themself to be a good person.

it was almost as if whatever kindness was left in their heart had been stolen away through years of hardship and torment.

not that they really minded. they just felt numb.

enter dream.

dream shines like a ray of sunlight through the room as he enters, and sapnap can't understand why he gives a damn about them.

they're opposites in every way, as far as sapnap is concerned, and it fascinates them that someone like that would want to be their friend.

what would someone like dream want with someone like them?

they ask themselves that every time dream texts them, asking them if they want play a game.

they met as young teenagers, and they're adults now. it's been like this for years. it's never changed

> **_if there's one thing i've learned_ **
> 
> **_from all my years here_ **
> 
> **_it's that despair is less abundant_ **
> 
> **_in those who understand_ **
> 
> **_how to plant their hearts in community gardens_ **

of course, sapnap is not a mind reader.

dream isn't quite as well-composed as he seems. he just knows how to hide it. he has his own set of scars, and he's simply learned how to cover them up and remain positive.

dream wishes he could help sapnap.

he cares for them a lot. he wants them to be happy. they deserve to be happy.

they don't believe that, though.

> **you'll be fine, you honeycomb**
> 
> **who could ever hurt you?**
> 
> **who could be so cold?**
> 
> **you'll be fine, oh honey pie**
> 
> **who could ever hurt you?**
> 
> **who could be so unkind?**

dream is not fully aware of the gravity of the burden sapnap carries on their shoulders. the constant reminders of the past, and the memories they'd like to repress.

dream knows something's wrong, obviously.

but he doesn't quite understand what.

he offers sapnap reassurance, but it can seem a bit hollow at times. he doesn't quite know how to help, when he doesn't know the problem.

he still tries, though.

> **_the culmination of man's mistakes_ **
> 
> **_came the day the sun ran so hot_ **
> 
> **_it turned the desert to glass_ **

sapnap feels that their life is constantly on edge.

they don't know how to deal with their problems other than making themself completely apathetic.

dream's good-intended reassurances can start to sound condescending at times.

they know he means well.

> **_if there's one thing to be learned_ **
> 
> **_from all these losers_ **
> 
> **_it's that the price_ **
> 
> **_that you pay_ **
> 
> **_for arrogance and a false sense of immunity_ **
> 
> **_is to face the wrath of a dying star_ **

sapnap used to be outgoing and confident.

they wanted to be the life of the party.

they wanted to be independent.

they were hated by authority figures in their life for their disrespect and cockiness.

sapnap thought the world revolved around them.

sapnap thought they couldn't ever get hurt.

sapnap fell right into the trap that the "termite king" had created for them.

sapnap tries not to trust people anymore.

dream wonders why they're so distant.

> **_you'll be fine, you honeycomb_ **
> 
> **_who could ever hurt you?_ **
> 
> **_who could be so cold?_ **
> 
> **_you'll be fine, oh honey pie_ **
> 
> **_who could ever hurt you?_ **
> 
> **_who could be so unkind?_ **

as emotionally detached and distrusting sapnap is, they can't help but find themself drawn to this weird, cheerful ray of sunshine they've found themself interacting with over the years.

they wonder why he sticks around, and why he keeps trying.

they wonder why he cares so much about them.

all they are to him is cold and distant.

they've blocked feelings off in their mind as a defense mechanism, and now all they have left is this strange relationship one could barely call a friendship.

over time, sapnap finds themself relaxing more. dream introduces them to his friends, who they find weird, except bad, who's seemed to take on a fatherly role to sapnap.

they didn't ask for that, but they aren't gonna yell at him. to be frank, sapnap thinks bad is too trusting.

sapnap still wonders why dream always hangs around, but they've gotten used to his presence. he's just part of their life, now.

they're still not sure what they feel about him. they decide not to think about it too much.

they're not sure how well that will work.

> **_the years have been hard_ **
> 
> **_on this lonely heart_ **
> 
> **_if you wanna know the truth_ **
> 
> **_there's no more community gardens_ **
> 
> **_i guess i'll have to settle for you_ **


	3. death, thrice drawn

> **hotshot, have you got a clue how**
> 
> **long i've been pining for you?**
> 
> **spent so many sleepless nights**
> 
> **in unbaptized (decline)**

sapnap often wonders why they can't stop thinking about him.

after all, he's just a friend.

they find themselves watching him from afar with a glint of curiosity in their eyes.

sapnap promised themself a long time ago to never get too close to someone, not after what happened last time.

but then this smiling idiot had to come along and make everything hard for them.

> **but in our parallel minds**
> 
> **we were just killing time**
> 
> **'til our collision catalyst, yeah, yeah**

sapnap finds their conversations with dream to be somewhat exhausting at times.

not that it's his fault. sapnap just doesn't understand how he can be so positive.

so consistently optimistic.

it hurts their head to think about it.

personally, they think of their life as nothing more than waiting for the next set of disasters to shake them until they break again.

as if they can even be any more broken.

> **the awful truth has eluded you for too long**
> 
> **...uh oh!**
> 
> **everything you know is all wrong**

as time goes on, sapnap begins to find themself wondering if their feelings toward this giant teddy bear of a human being are really that platonic.

they don't really know what to make of that thought.

the last time they felt like that, it ended up destroying them.

they decided to shove the urging feeling aside.

> **there is no substance left for**
> 
> **the wyrm to eat itself**
> 
> **such callow uncertainty**
> 
> **in these pantomime (end times)**

of course, feelings don't leave you alone quite that easily.

they find the thought coming back to their mind often, and they try to shake it off every time it does.

the truth is, they don't know what the fuck they feel.

nothing is certain in sapnap's life. they've just accepted that. they don't get attached.

getting attached leads to getting used.

that's what they've learned over the years.

> **sucks to be an optimist**
> 
> **in this listless dissolution**
> 
> **it's just a triptych in decay, yeah, yeah**

to sapnap, getting their hopes up will lead to nothing but their own destruction.

they've begun to think that humans are just toxic by nature, using you and throwing you away like a ragged old doll.

they are just a plaything.

sapnap killed optimism, and sapnap killed emotion, in order to protect themself. but they kept coming back, dragging themselves out of the grave they had made for them in their head.

they wish they'd go away.

> **the awful truth has eluded you for too long**
> 
> **...uh oh!**
> 
> **everything you know is all wrong**

the thought nags at their mind day and night.

it won't leave them alone.

they don't want to like dream in that way, they don't want to like anyone in that way. it just gets them hurt.

the thoughts won't leave.

they can't stop thinking.

> **i hope you know**
> 
> **that you can trust me**
> 
> **baby it's just me**
> 
> **i hope you know**
> 
> **that you don't owe me**
> 
> **oh boy, you own me**

dream often tells sapnap how much he cares for them.

dream often tries to show sapnap the good in the world, and the good in themself.

sapnap has a hard time trusting dream's little reassurances.

they're used to every fucking thing they hear come out of people's mouths being sick fucking lies.

yet for some reason, they feel this is different somehow. and they don't know if that's better or worse.

it terrifies them.

> **i hope you know**
> 
> **you're really special**
> 
> **you're so next level**
> 
> **i hope you know just**
> 
> **how much i believe in you**

sapnap thinks dream is too optimistic.

they try to tell him that he should try to be a bit more cautious, in case someone wants to hurt him.

dream says that it's better to risk potential pain than to cower in a corner and shut off the world.

sapnap doesn't know what to make of this.

they want to believe him, but that would involve changing their entire worldview.

and that feels like too much effort.

> **it's quiet now**
> 
> **i doubt if any thoughts**
> 
> **will ever come again**
> 
> **but there's a sense**
> 
> **of some lone consequence**
> 
> **wheezing down my neck**

sapnap is used to shutting off their feelings.

it's hard to get hurt when you are completely numb.

but still, they fear.

they fear constantly, and they aggressively try to protect themself.

sapnap's life has become a mess of paranoid panic, and they can't imagine it being any other way.

this is just how the world works.

> **it's fine**
> 
> **we're fine**
> 
> **i'm doing everything**
> 
> **that i'm supposed to do**

this is just how the world works.

this is just how the world works.

this is just how the world works.

sapnap repeats it over and over in their mind, trying to burn it into their memory as fact.

> **i'd burn it all**
> 
> **i'd set the world on fire**
> 
> **just to be with you**

but deep down, sapnap knows better.

they know what that feeling is.

they know they can't run from it forever.


	4. do you believe me

> **my internal compass is all askew**
> 
> **i know it's got nothing to do with us**
> 
> **right? right?**
> 
> **never felt so messed up over anyone**
> 
> **i know it's got nothing to do with us**
> 
> **...nothing to do with you.**
> 
> **nothing to do with you.**

the longer sapnap waited to address their feelings, the more intense they got.

they found it unbearable. ridiculous. they shouldn't be fawning over some optimistic idiot like a lovesick puppy.

it made them sick to their stomach.

they buried it more and more, not wanting to think about it. but it kept coming back.

> **but things will calm down soon**
> 
> **i'll drink up every second i have with you**

sapnap noticed that dream had texted them, asking them to play a game with him.

they accepted his offer. they don't have to think about that stuff, they can just enjoy the time they have with one of their very few friends.

> **do you believe me when i tell you**
> 
> **your light outshines every person i know?**
> 
> **do you want to go to the party?**
> 
> **i wanna show you off to every person i know**

when dream joined the call, sapnap could feel the air around them lighten.

he greeted them with a joyful energy, one that they could never understand.

one they had never seen from another person before.

it was like the sun itself had taken the form of a human.

as cheesy as it sounds, sapnap found themself wondering if this was the universe sending them a guardian angel.

> **don't hide yourself**
> 
> **don't hide yourself from me**
> 
> **are you coming to my show?**
> 
> **no, you don't have to go**

dream always tries to cheer them up.

his words are sweet like strawberry cake.

he always compliments their work.

sapnap doesn't get why. they're not special.

dream always says that they should be more proud of themself.

they don't know what they have to be proud of.

> **do you believe me?**


	5. ain't you ever happy?

> **sapnap, you're being followed**
> 
> **by the ghost of what i cannot absolve**
> 
> **say you wanna go somewhere? so do i**
> 
> **by now we're often saying our closing thoughts**
> 
> **but tonight, something's hanging off your tongue**

dream was not oblivious to his friend's feelings.

they may try to hide it, but they're about as subtle as a freight train. it's kind of endearing.

dream likes sapnap a lot, but he's not sure how to deal with that.

sapnap is mistrusting and distant. they seem to flinch away when people get too close.

dream is nervous. he doesn't want to hurt them. and he doesn't want them to be afraid of him.

> **do you find yourself at the edge of my ocean?**
> 
> **tip-toeing 'round the broken glass in the sand?**
> 
> **when you're feeling well**
> 
> **maybe we can do something together**

sapnap always seems to be in a bad mood.

dream tries to cheer them up, but it seems like a futile effort at times.

but he doesn't give up. he isn't one to give up.

they at least play along with his attempts at making them smile.

dream wishes he could tell what they're thinking.

> **sapnap, you're giving off these psychic waves**
> 
> **have you heard the news?**
> 
> **no one's doing that these days**
> 
> **let's not play these games (sapnap)**
> 
> **love is just a name**
> 
> **(why don't you ever say what you mean?)**
> 
> **for you to call me by**
> 
> **(are you frightened of me? or the person you're leaving behind?)**

sapnap is skittish and jumpy. they seem to freak out over little things and lock themself away in their room.

dream wishes he could make them feel protected.

he wishes he could tell them he wants to make sure they feel safe and loved.

he isn't sure how they'd react. would they even believe him?

he thinks, maybe... that would probably make things worse.

> **i milked a fable from your eye**
> 
> **the rawness of it made me cry too**
> 
> **but to be honest i would like it**
> 
> **if you would cry more than you do**

dream wishes he knew what they were thinking.

he wish he knew how to help.

but most of all.. he wished sapnap trusted him.

but it's not their fault, and he knows that.

the circumstances are outside of the two's control.

and past wounds don't heal that easily.

> **i'm just barely keeping up with my constant unraveling**
> 
> **you're so together, it embarrasses me**
> 
> **but your grace in the face of my apex terror**
> 
> **makes me feel so secure**

dream has his own set of past wounds.

he's learned how to function despite this.

he wonders if sapnap knows.

maybe sapnap would trust him more if they knew.

maybe sapnap would be more open if they knew.

> **guess it doesn't really matter if you're open or not**
> 
> **i'm verbose enough for the both of us**
> 
> **and we can't all be floodgates, after all**
> 
> **but you don't have to be a dam for me**

in the end, though... dream doesn't want to rush them.

sapnap has their reasons for why they're so distant and quiet.

it would be wrong for him to push them to open up more.

he decides he should just be patient.

everything will find its place eventually.

that's just how the world works.

> **just like the smoke cedars in the yard**
> 
> **i've fallen so hard for you**
> 
> **don't you know i'm obsessed with you too?**
> 
> **when i told you i get crushed by my own ambitions**
> 
> **you said, "boy, ain't you ever happy?"**
> 
> **(no)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title changed because it's just a name so it's weird  
> i think maybe i should stop writing these chapters at 3 am unmedicated because its probably not that good. oh well


	6. dream's just a dying fad

> **when your walls go up  
>  i hope they're mirrored  
> so you can serve your sentence  
> with someone sympathetic **

sapnap was 15 years old when they realized they were in love with their best friend. they weren't supposed to feel like this. this wasn't supposed to happen. they tried to deny it. it would go away. it had to. it had to.

> **darling, you're a hack  
>  but it's charming when you crack yourself up  
> but everybody knows what you go to  
> to keep yourself together **

the feelings stayed.

  
sapnap is 19 now, and those wretched feelings refuse to leave them alone. it's exhausting, to be honest.

  
dream is brilliant. he shines like the sun, caring for everyone he meets, and always making people smile and laugh.  
sapnap is transfixed by him.

  
notably - he has a very distinct laugh. it's kind of cute, really. he'll think of something funny, and then wheeze loudly at his own joke.  
sapnap wishes they could tell him that they think his laugh is cute.

  
they can't. they won't.  
it would make things too complicated.

> **alone at the end of the day  
>  sync your thoughts with the highway song  
> fall asleep with the tv on**

sapnap stares up at their ceiling as they hear raindrops spatter on their roof, and the tv humming quietly with a distant voice, likely that of a news anchor.  
they feel completely alone.  
they reach for their phone, clumsily dialing a number in. they sigh in relief as the call is picked up.

"hello?"

bad's voice echoes through sapnap's room, the wide empty space amplifying the sound from the tinny speaker of their cellphone.

"bad, i need help." they shakily breathe out.

"what's wrong?" comes the worried reply. god bless his soul, sapnap thinks.

they inhale, as they prepare to finally tell someone their deepest secret.

> **dream, you know, i want to stay close to you  
>  oh no, there you go again  
> dream, my love, there is just so much i can do for you  
> after all, i'm just a friend**

"have you ever been in love with someone, bad? and.." they sniffle. "know you shouldn't be?"

"what do you mean, sapnap?"

"i think i'm in love with dream." they sob into the phone, their body shaking.

"what's wrong with that..? you can't help how you feel." bad's voice is soothing, like the smell of lavender. sapnap thinks he would make a great therapist. "why do you feel like you shouldn't feel this way?"

"i can't ever tell him that. it would make things too complicated. he definitely won't feel the same.. not like i blame him." their voice cracks.

"sapnap..."

> **it's a shame  
>  nowadays all your friends have become such a drag  
> they make you feel like a running gag  
> dream's just a dying fad**

"i know he's probably straight. and even if he wasn't... i'm not that special. i'm just... sapnap." he exhales, voice trembling.

"you are special, sapnap! there's no one who could replace you." bad's tone is reassuring and patient.

"maybe not, but i still don't think i should feel like this. it's weird. who feels like that about their best friend?"

"someone who's a human being with emotions that they can't control."

> **your mind's at a fever pitch  
>  temperature rising  
> those ghosts in the rear view are so tantalizing**

sapnap considers texting dream.

they almost want to tell him.

but they still don't know if it's right.

the impulse is too strong to fight, however.

they open their phone again to shoot dream a text.

> **dream, you say that the moon is your only friend  
>  but she's a bitch and she don't listen when you cry  
> dream, my love, there's only so much i can do for you  
> after all  
> i'm just a friend**

sapnap: hey uh

sapnap: can i tell you something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is out of order upload-wise bc i wrote this first as a one-shot
> 
> as i write more chapters the order will fix itself lol

**Author's Note:**

> this may take a bit to update and also it's out of order now since i intended for "dream's just a dying fad" to just be a oneshot but now i'm doing the whole album.
> 
> btw i recommend listening to the album it's incredible.  
> it's on spotify here: [burn pygmalion!!! a better guide to romance](https://open.spotify.com/album/1eWGRYTKpNXDTiXU37JZ16?si=TaJqMf3xQeuMWimnTbIfrw)


End file.
